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My Cats Are Stones In The Backyard

by Jac

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Fenn is cool
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Fenn is cool this album was a long time in the making and it shows. each composition is beautiful and meticulous and the lyrics are rich with a sense of personal history. a timeless record. Favorite track: Mould.
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1.
The Beast 04:00
The love that has made me is broken, I embraced a beast birthed from fear. A fear of loneliness, of betrayal, of loss that harshly howled that forced me to hear. And it was so ugly. To hear my name whimpered in such a way. Frightened, disempowered, and distressed. It is a dark scab, branded deep within my head, to see my man so possessed. And it was so grating. And it is still. And as I witnessed love's fracture, it was all that had ever been and as the beast left my man was comforting and I was not worried.
2.
My spine hugs my vital organs as my knees touch my chin and I've shed myself of integrity again. My arm is falling asleep, I'd better get up soon but there's no place warmer than a mother's womb. Avoidance is similar until it gets real cold, real quick. Then you're trying to light a candle but it's got no wick. And I'm there right now. I'm a tiny coward boy. Fight, flight, or freeze, once again I'm stuck. I'm weak, I am slow, I'm a sitting duck. I can't commit, I always quit, I'm a piece of shit, tiny coward boy.
3.
The Storm 04:34
It's the calm after the storm in which I write about the destruction I saw; those winds swept the things away from me that I had in the calm before. Cinderblocks, they turned to cinder, as the fires spread and the smoke rose. You pulled me out from the rubble. I was of the lucky few, I suppose. The petals were saluting the sun as we wandered the plains. You cried out 'God save me!' On the horizon lies the remains. Everything looked the same on the scorched plateaus we were treading. We had come a far way but where on earth were we heading? I saw the silhouette of a man drift by in the light of the moon. I chased after him, you held me back, said I was seeing things, but I ain't no lune. It's the calm after the storm in which I write about what I saw; those fires died with some things close to me that I had in the calm before. We were starved so I decided to end it, you asked what I thought I was doing, I told you 'all the wonders of the world will one day be in ruins.' And as the darkest days die down, that is when we grow old; wiser for the moments within but warped by the values that we hold. It's the calm after the storm in which I write about the shit I saw; that fucker took some things away from me that I had in the calm before.
4.
Cum. 02:10
Air passes through a junction of bones. Shivers course warmly. Two shoulder blades hack at a spine. A picture-show of you; a theatre in my head.
5.
Mould 04:26
Oh father, oh mother, the way you blame the other, you are in each other's wrong. Half sister, half brother, no blood between another, yet siblings, you have become. And if family moulds a man, how dysfunctional I am, as are you. Oh drugs, oh fears, the way that they can steer or steal someone's life away. Half full, half empty, just drink another twenty. Do you think memories drown that way? And if memories mould a man, how forgetful I am, I thought memories swam. Oh Bonnie, oh Eli, the way that life arrives and in turn, departs. Half truths, half lies, bliss decays and stupidity tries. The whole is other than the sum of the parts. And if nothing moulds a man, who I really am does not matter for I have never been. And if everything moulds a man, who I truly am does not matter for I will always be.
6.
The Wait 06:46
What would you rather left you first, your body or your mind? You ask yourself every day. More than ninety years have passed you by, I can’t fathom all you’ve seen: All the war, all the art and technology. Time flies when you’re alive but it's never a smooth flight. It accelerates till you crash and burn if the religious affiliation is right. And tonight you’re the speed of light. This is the wait. The wait. Something’s gonna happen, but for now, this is the wait. Every January of the past twelve years you’ve gone a cruise around the world. All the men of the family are dead or useless so it's just you and the girls… And your grand daughter, she feels obliged because you could die at any point in time like the power in the house your husband built cos he crossed over some lines. But she’s always the youngest on a boat full of old fucks; casual racism and general ignorance run amok… but even worse, the in-house band sucks. And she’s stuck. This is the wait. The wait. Something’s gonna happen, but for now, this is the wait. Your grand daughter’s gorgeous; the wait adorns this. Her pixelated face translates to heat from a screen. What a lacklustre sensation when compared to the warmth of her flesh, so I wait. How’d a dignified woman end up in solitary confinement? Are cruise ships in cahoots with the US justice system? If only her wing-tipped eyeliner could catch an updraught homeward… but I’ll wait. I guess I’ll wait.
7.
I've walked through the station, you've put me in your cuffs and now I'm under your arrest. Now that you've caught me, please don't leave me here by myself. I have a few words I'd like you to hear but they'll only make things worse. I'm under your arrest. I like it when you talk to me, even if I don't respond, even when I can't respond. I'm under your arrest.
8.
Rust 06:36
Breaking up and breaking bones, a guy offers you a home. He has snakes in tanks, you put piglets in a box. When you wear moon boots you can’t wear socks. You hang your children upon the walls. On your shower curtain, the full moon falls. And you catch it like a fisherboy in a shallow stream, who’s never baited a hook nor seen a bream. And you prepare to be a mourning son,  the air is heavy in your father’s lungs. The wishbone breaks as your mind turns, what’s to wish for when a man can learn? You dreamt of the past but woke up in the now. You thought you’d forget, so you wrote it down. 240 pages, 10 000 fragments of confetti, the sorrowed man’s pen is a blind boy’s machete. You’re in deeper waters now, your head is subdued, your toes touch the ground. And here you can think of the nothing at all, or a calming mantra on which to drawl. Ride into the morning sun, the winds rush, your hair’s undone. The ocean breaks as you hear a song, on your steel strings rusted for so long. So ride into the sun, your hair’s undone. It’s unfurled like the wisped wings of an impossible thing. So ride into the sun.
9.
You sucked at decorating a glass case so you pulled your hat over your face Don’t cry, give less glue a try. You were standing naked and you were five. A pretty lady was laughing at your pride. Don’t cry, give togs a try. If at first you don’t succeed, you can try again if you feel the need, but if you don’t that's alright, there's always something else to try. You pissed your pants at primary school and you tried to play it off as cool. Don’t cry, give running home a try. You were punched in the back of the head for stealing someones plastic bag. Don’t cry, give panadol a try. If at first you don’t succeed, you can try again if you feel the need, but if you don’t that's alright, there's always something else to try. You were playing football with bigger boys and your spine cracked in three places, oh joy. Don’t cry, go score a try. You were tugging at your mother’s dress, proud you didn’t shed a tear, maybe this time you should’ve cried, someone you love had just died. If at first you don’t succeed, you can try again if you feel the need, but if you don’t that's alright, there's always something else till you die.

about

Thanks to my parents, my sister, and my friends.

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released March 4, 2018

All by Jac

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Shining Drongo Records Sydney, Australia

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